Explain or Apologize? What You Need to Know Before Saying "I'm Sorry"

This week I’m honored to share my words over at Amendo, an online publication dedicated to “reconnecting life and spirit.” Check out the excerpt below and then head over to their website to read the full piece.

When I turned on Netflix’s series “The Chair” — a show advertised to offer drama, wit, and commentary on women and minorities working in higher education — I didn’t expect to walk away learning personal lessons from the show. To my surprise, my biggest takeaway was insight into the reasons I say (or resist saying) “I’m sorry.” However, in the first episode, professor Bill Dobson (Jay Duplass) walks into a lecture hall after a tense conversation with the chair of his department.

The chair had accused Dobson of “phoning it in,” and demanded that he take his work more seriously. With those words ringing in Dobson’s ears, he begins teaching on the topics of absurdism and fascism. He defines the two terms and then utters “Heil Hitler” while raising his arm in a Nazi salute. Dr. Dobson continues talking while remaining oblivious to his students’ raised eyebrows and recording iPhones. Later, the university and student body ask him to issue an apology. Dobson resists and tries to explain his behavior at a town hall meeting with students.

Watching the scene, I vacillated between mentally defending Dobson, (Let him explain himself!) and accusing him (Regardless of why he said it, he should definitely apologize to those students!). Thinking through the situation reminded me of times when I had resisted apologizing in favor of offering a defense or explanation.

…and then let me know in the comments — are you quick to apologize or quick to offer an explanation?

*Featured Image by Brett Jordan on Unsplash