Why Letting Go and Letting God Take Control is Difficult (and How to Start Today)

I sat strapped into a plastic seat. In front of me was nothing but air. The view of the Smoky Mountains dressed in autumn finery would’ve been an enjoyable one if I wasn’t preoccupied with what was about to happen.

Standing on the ground two minutes earlier and looking up at the tower’s height didn’t prepare me for the experience of dropping 230 feet at a speed of nearly 80 mph.

The air rushed past, my body screamed, “I’m dying!” and my brain tried to reassure my flipping stomach that I was not, in fact, dying. I was subjecting myself to a ride at Dollywood.

During the first few rides of the day, somewhere in the middle of each one, I found myself wishing they would stop. I braced myself against the restraints to feel the solid seat behind me. The forces of acceleration and disorientation didn’t create a thrill of excitement. They induced a sense of panic, fear, and danger.

Determined to recapture my childhood experiences of wild abandon and eager excitement, I tried different rides and roller coasters.

My brain eventually wised up to the situation. The same twists and drops that inspired white-knuckled panic at the beginning of the day were the same ones that had me raising my arms and shouting in glee by nightfall. 

The rides hadn’t changed and neither had the sensations in my body. The difference between a fear-inducing experience and a thrilling one was my level of trust. 

I began to trust that the harness would hold me securely, and I let myself believe the ride wouldn’t fly off the rails. Within that sense of safety and security, fear transformed into excitement.

Do you respond with fear or trust?

Life is a lot more like a twisty rollercoaster than a lazy river. Surprises lie around every bend, both good and bad. How do you respond to them? Do you try to give yourself a sense of control by gripping hard and bearing down? Maybe you squeeze your eyes shut and vow to not open them until the worst is over.

When we trust that God is holding us safe and secure through it all just like the restraints on a rollercoaster, we can learn to relax into him and let go of our fear.

Letting go of our false sense of control and trusting in God’s protection and provision isn’t always easy. Everything around us may feel chaotic, but this is our certain hope: “The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deuteronomy 33:27a).

Why trusting God can prove difficult

There are four common reasons why we struggle to surrender control of our lives to God.

1. We have confidence in what we can see

The contrast in the verse from Deuteronomy struck me. “The eternal God,” whom no one has ever seen¹, with no beginning and no end, and who is beyond human comprehension is our “dwelling place.” 

A dwelling place is the opposite of infinite, invisible, and complex. Where we dwell is tangible, practical, and understandable.

When my daughter was six, she would often ask why we can’t see God. She wanted God to show up in her bedroom as a person so she could look at him as she talked.

I understand that desire, and I bet you do too. Releasing control of our messy day-to-day problems to Someone unseen is an exercise of faith.

2. God’s plans and our plans often aren’t the same

While doing research for this article, I came across several comments from people that went something like this:

“I’ve tried to let go of control and just trust God. I’ve prayed for God to help me with my problems. Years have gone by, and he hasn’t helped. So how am I supposed to surrender control to him?”

We have serious problems in this world. I don’t need to name examples because you know. We want to believe that God has good plans for us, but when our desires don’t pan out, we wonder whether we can trust him.

3. Trust grows over time and with intentional cultivation

Memory is a fickle thing, and as much as we’d like to think that we have water-tight memories, it just isn’t the case. Many of our experiences are lost to the past. The ones we remember are the ones we talk about or document with words or pictures.

How are we doing this in our relationship with God? Do we remember every time he has provided, protected, and answered prayers? Personally, I can answer that with a resounding “no.”

Trust is not a static thing. It can grow or shrink; it can be broken or gained. Our trust in God will grow as we intentionally recognize and remember his faithfulness.

4. We have a sinful tendency to trust in our own abilities more than God’s

A doctor can diagnose a disease and prescribe a course of treatment. A plumber can evaluate pipes and give a cost estimate for repairs. God doesn’t operate this way. He often doesn’t tell us the details of what he is about to do. He doesn’t offer a detailed blueprint of what to expect. 

Instead, he tells us through Scripture of his character and our tendencies—that he is faithful and true when we are not.

Pride and arrogance make us believe we are capable of fixing our own problems. We read a verse about God’s protection such as, “underneath are the everlasting arms,” but we walk away thinking about what we will do or say to save ourselves (Deuteronomy 33:27a).

How to let go and let God

Surrendering control to God doesn’t come through a checklist or five-step process. Allowing yourself to depend on God is a byproduct of knowing and being in a relationship with him. Even so, there are some truths for us to remember that will help us let go of the reins when we’re tempted to tighten our grip and steer our lives solo.

1. Release control to the unseen God

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that “faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).

Before boarding Thunderhead, a massive wooden roller coaster boasting a 100-foot drop, my dad casually asked a Dollywood employee, “I don’t suppose you guys have any termite problems, do you?” The employee assured us with a smile that no, the wood of the rollercoaster is not affected by termites and that maintenance is performed regularly to ensure the ride’s safety. 

We took his word for it and stepped in line. 

I didn’t evaluate the engineer’s building plans to ensure the roller coaster’s safety. I didn’t inspect the screws and bolts. Other people, whose jobs are to design, build, and maintain safe rides, were taking care of those details for me, and I decided to trust them.

How often do we trust God with such simplicity? He promises that he will never leave or forsake us,² that he works all things together for the good of those who love him,³ and that he is a good father who provides⁴. Do we take him at his word?

2. Lean on the everlasting arms

Deuteronomy 33:27 (“The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms”) reminds me of an old hymn, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms:

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

This song speaks of “joy,” “blessedness,” and “peace.” Even the tempo is upbeat and peppy in some versions. It seems like a song for the mountaintop moments of Christianity. 

I was surprised to discover that the refrain was written in response to death. 

Anthony Showalter, a musician, taught in singing schools. One day, he learned that the wives of two of his former pupils died and that they had been buried on the same day.

To offer his sympathy and comfort, he wrote the refrain and music of this timeless hymn.

Knowing the backstory of this song, we’re reminded that God’s goodness and strength are not only observable in times of happiness. In fact, these attributes of God are seen most clearly during periods of grief and hardship.

When we lean into his arms, we will find they never fail us. One writer puts it this way: “Not only do the arms of God embrace His child—but they are underneath—always underneath. That means that we can never sink—for these arms will ever be beneath us, wherever we may be found.”

3. Make “the eternal God your dwelling place”

How do we make invisible, eternal God our home? 

In the Old Testament, the Israelites made God their dwelling place by physically staying near his presence which was manifested as a pillar of smoke or a pillar of fire. As he led them through the wilderness, the Israelites moved when he moved and stayed still when he stopped.

Eventually, God gave instructions for the construction of a tabernacle and later, a temple. God put his presence in that particular spot and told the Israelites to build their camps and homes around it.

God is the source of life. Living in proximity to his presence, they kept themselves close to everything that is good and life-giving.

When Jesus died on the cross, the temple curtain was torn in half indicating that the power of the presence of God was now available to everyone, everywhere.

Because of God’s grace and through faith, he makes his home in us wherever we are.

Just as the Israelites stayed near to the presence of God by following him through the wilderness, we are also called to follow him. With a steady diet of Scripture and prayer, we grow in the knowledge of how to draw nearer to him.

4. Lay down your expectations

Our trust in God is challenged when we can’t see how God is working.

We have hardships we wish would change and dreams we wish God would fulfill. God cares deeply about those. So then why doesn’t he always give us what we want?

There can be a lot of pain wrapped up in that question, so I won’t answer it with hollow words.

I recently read the incredibly encouraging testimony from Joni Earekson Tada, a quadriplegic who prayed for healing but was given something she came to learn was much better—the fellowship of God.

The testimony of Joni and others like her remind us that God gives us exactly what we need—his presence with us always. He doesn’t guarantee worldly happiness or health or wealth. What he does offer is a hand to hold and a steady arm to lean on. When that arm belongs to the author of life and the source of all that is good, we find a strength and joy that is not our own.

Matthew Henry’s commentary on Deuteronomy 33:27 says, “Everlasting arms are underneath [the people of God], to keep the spirit from sinking, from fainting, and their faith from failing.”

How to start letting go today

What are some actionable steps we can take today to grow our faith and trust in God?

1. Build your dwelling place with God

I was recently watching a show where a contestant in a cooking competition laughed and said, “I’m not a praying person, but I was saying every prayer I could think of.”

I’m sure we’ve all heard something similar to this. People live their lives apart from God and then expect him to show up like a genie in times of trouble to grant their wishes. 

Jesus tells us that the person who does what he says is “like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built” (Luke 6:46-48 ESV).

We dwell with God and his word by staying connected to him through spiritual disciplines, obedience, and biblical community.

2. Name God’s faithfulness

We are prone to forgetfulness. The criticisms and hardships of our past tend to be easier to recall than answered prayers and times of flourishing.

In Luke 17, ten lepers come to Jesus asking for healing. Jesus tells them to go to the priest, and as they are on their way, they receive healing. Only one man returns to Jesus with praise and gratitude.

I am guilty of this. I pray and ask God for his help, and when he does help, I don’t always remember to recognize it as an answered prayer, return to Jesus, and offer my thankfulness.

The more that we recognize God’s goodness, faithfulness, and attentiveness to our prayers in the past and present, the more our trust increases in him for our future provision.

3. Take a risk

Lifting up my arms as I plummet downward on a roller coast feels like a risk, but the risk has a reward. It would feel safer to white knuckle my hands on the restraint. I can give myself the illusion that I’m in control of my own safety by hunkering down and holding on tight.

By raising my hands in the air, I’m giving up the illusion. I’m putting into action the belief that I’m not the one keeping myself safe on the roller coaster. When I surrender to that fact and trust in something bigger than myself to be my anchor and protection, I find more joy and freedom in the ride. 

To trust God can feel like a risk. Will he really protect me? Does he really have my best interests in mind? These are rhetorical questions but let me answer them for you. Yes. He will and he does. Relax into God, your dwelling place, the everlasting arms that hold you up. Find freedom and joy in the ride knowing he is holding you.

Final note and a freebie!

Doubt is a normal part of our faith journey. If you have questions about God’s character and promises, he welcomes you to explore them. When we honestly bring our hesitations to him rather than hiding them, he reveals himself to us. Go to Scripture and find someone trustworthy to walk through your questions and doubts.

The process of surrendering control and trusting God isn’t a one-and-done situation. Every day we have a new opportunity to hand over everything to him and praise him for being a good Father who cares for every detail of our lives.

You can take a step to grow your faith today by writing down a piece of your faith journey and becoming aware of God’s fingerprints on your life. Download the journaling template, Finding His Faithfulness, to work through four key questions that will help build your trust in God and surrender control to him.

¹John 1:18
²Deuteronomy 31:6b
³Romans 8:28
⁴James 1:17

*Featured photo by Eric Masur on Unsplash