Are You Still Trying to Pay for Your Mistakes?

I’m a freshman in college sitting in the crowded stands of a University of Tennessee football game. The sun beats down relentlessly on the student section where I’m seated while other sections of the stadium relish the late afternoon shade.

A row of close friends sit to my right, enthusiastic for the game but not moved to the point of shouting, jumping, and swaying as the group on my left is now doing. The smells of sweat and alcohol mingle in my nose, and my personal space disappears inch by inch as the person next to me dances in celebration. I’ve never met or seen him before. He’s wearing a backward baseball cap and a football jersey, both boasting our school’s colors of orange and white.

More than halfway through the game, he plops down next to me as though he has expended every ounce of energy. His shoulders slump forward, and he leans his elbows on his knees. Then, he turns his head my direction and speaks.

“I’m not sure I’m up for much more of this.”

I’m caught off guard. We have spent hours next to each other without even a “hello,” a nod, or a smile. Something about his tone of voice and deflated-balloon countenance makes me question whether his statement refers to the game or something else.

He continues to speak, but I’m now paying more attention to the prompting in my heart. The Holy Spirit is nudging me to talk to this person about Jesus. Internally, I struggle.

“Really? Really! I just met this person. I have no idea what he needs or thinks or even what his name is!”

Externally, I’m managing to keep up with the dialogue of small talk. Our exchange seems to have concluded, and silence sits between us.

Looking for a way out, I silently prayed, “Okay, if you want me to talk to him about Jesus, then this person will speak to me again.”

He did. He spoke.

And I didn’t. I kept Jesus to myself.

Paul’s Instruction to Forget

This exchange took place 15 years ago, but I still think of it often. I am regretful and sorrowful that I didn’t respond in obedience to God’s prompting.

Perhaps you can also think of a time in your life when you missed an opportunity to do what is right. What are we to do with our past failures?

Paul freely admits he is not “already perfect,” but he shares how he deals with his shortcomings so that he can “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12, 14) Paul writes, “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” (Philippians 3:13)

Of course there are conversations and events you and I would love to forget. Unless we find one of those Men in Black head zappers, the truth is that we will never forget our most spectacular failures. Instead, to follow Paul’s example of “forgetting what lies behind,” our memories must lose the power to trip us up on our walk with Jesus.

Paul is encouraging us to forget anything that entangles us from pursuing the Christ-life. He calls us to forget and let go of the baggage that hinders us.

To follow Paul's example of "forgetting what lies behind," our memories must lose the power to trip us up on our walk with Jesus. #Philippians3 #movingforward Click To Tweet

What About the Shame

While we may not find a magic tool to erase the memories of our mistakes, we can lay down the shame of our failures. Once we see past it, our vision clears so we can grow in light of the mistake. A failure stripped free from its shame is a lesson. But if we cling to our shame, the redeemed wisdom stays hidden.

Refusing to let go of shame is like trying to pay a price we can never afford. We cannot bear the weight of our shortcomings.

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.

Colossians 2:13-15

And again:

For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”

Romans 10:11

And again:

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2

Jesus paid the price of our shame so that we don’t have to punish ourselves by carrying it on our backs trying to prove the posture of our regretful hearts. What do we accomplish this way? The shame is paid for. You can stand upright. God deems you worthy because of Jesus.

Refusing to let go of shame is like trying to pay a price we can never afford. #JesusPaidItAll #NoMoreShame Click To Tweet

What It Means for Everyday Peace

I’ve had 15 years to process this specific failure and accept Jesus’ forgiveness. But if I’m not careful to remind myself that shame wields no power, the daily mistakes and associated feelings of unworthiness build up around me. Before long, I’m feeling suffocated not just by everything I need to do but also by the things I’ve failed to do. Recently, I have failed to…

• …buy Valentine’s Day cards for my daughter’s preschool class.
• …take the opportunity to comfort my husband when he had a raging headache.
• …steward my time well.

That’s the short list.

We all have a list. And we can either drag that list through our days, weighed down by their shame, or we can go to God, repent of our failings, and accept his gifts of mercy, grace, and freedom.

One way is humbling, gratitude-building, and life-giving.

The other way is impossible.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you that you died to wash away our sins and the shame that comes with them. When we fail, will you draw us to you in repentance? Will you encourage our hearts with the reminder that our failures do not disqualify us from being in your presence because we have already been qualified through the death and resurrection of Jesus? Help us grow in holiness as we move forward from our mistakes.

In your name we pray,
Amen.