How to Cling to Peace in the Midst of Unmet Expectations

Last Sunday our family of four loaded up the car with scooters, bikes, and helmets. We drove to the nearest park eager to soak up some sunshine after enduring a week of freezing, wet weather.

I felt optimism and hope wash over me as the weak winter sun began to warm my back and the fresh, cool air filled my lungs. We traveled at a leisurely pace, my three year-old son working to keep up with his older sister. The kids shrieked with glee at the sight of a nearby bubbling stream and horses nibbling hay.

We stopped to snack before making the return trip to our car. My son finished first and eagerly zoomed away. My husband followed, and I waited behind with my five-year-old daughter. When she was done, we got back on the path, me on my bike and her on a scooter. After a minute, she told me she felt too tired to continue. Sympathy mixed with disappointment and a touch of panic came over me.

When tears began to roll down her cheeks, I got off my bike, picked up her scooter and encouraged her to walk with me as I wrangled our equipment. This was not how I imagined our outing would end.

1. See the Situation as God Does

As I walked with her, I internally battled against letting my disappointment show while also attempting to soothe and offer solutions.

One thing I’ve learned about being the hands and feet of Jesus in this world is that I rarely wake up knowing how, when, or where I will be called on to demonstrate his love to others.

I plan for a restorative bike ride in the sun. God plans for a demonstration of his love and patience to a little girl.

We drift off course and put emphasis on our circumstances while he focuses on our hearts.

As I let my mind attend to what mattered in that moment—offering solace and comfort to my child—my emotional response shifted. I found I could let go of my frustration to embrace my role as God’s fellow worker, entrusted with carrying out his kingdom work.

In my life, this lesson was hard to learn. God has been witness to my less-than-holy reactions to exhaustion-induced naps cut short or a much-needed lunch with friends ruined by my inconsolable infant. I don’t discount the need for self-care, but I also know that seeing my life as a tool in the hands of an almighty God to carry out his purposes changes how I deal with unmet expectations.

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One thing I've learned about being the hands and feet of Jesus in this world is that I rarely wake up knowing how, when, or where I will be called on to demonstrate his love to others. #beready #handsandfeet Click To Tweet

2. Give Thanks for the Good

You’ve probably heard someone say, “It could always be worse.” While it’s probably true, the phrase often dismisses a person’s emotions. But what if instead of dismissing the disappointment, frustration, or sadness, we could find a way to embrace thanksgiving and peace right alongside the hard stuff?

As I walked with my daughter, I admired God’s handiwork—the sight of a bright blue sky, the scent of damp earth promising new life, and the sound of birds and squirrels active in the nearby trees. I reminded her that we were drawing nearer to rest and refreshment, the rewards waiting at the end of the road.

Occasionally my leg painfully bumped into the sharp edge of my bike pedal, and I felt like a failure for not bringing along a tissue to wipe her eyes. But the hard and the heavy didn’t erase the good around us.

The good reminds us God is providing and protecting in the midst of our unexpected circumstances. And I don’t know of a better definition of peace than “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).

3. Don’t Give in to Grumbling

This is a tricky one, especially in a culture that encourages us to embrace and express our emotions despite the cost.

Emotions like disappointment and frustration in the face of unmet expectations are understandable and normal. When we use our emotions as signposts to point us to the source of our trouble, we learn something about ourselves. But when we let our emotions control our actions and serve as an excuse for sinful behavior, we slip into scary territory.

I recently read the account of Israel’s exodus from Egypt. As God’s people left the appearance of security in Egypt and wandered into the wilderness, they began to doubt the character and purposes of God.

The people could find no water to drink, and the Israelites “grumbled against Moses, saying, ‘What shall we drink?'” (Exodus 15:24, emphasis mine)

Next, they depleted their food supply, so “the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness.” (Exodus 16:2, emphasis mine)

Time passed and again there was no water to drink. “The people grumbled against Moses and said, ‘Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?'” (Exodus 17:3, emphasis mine)

Matthew Henry’s commentary says this of the Exodus 16 passage:

It argues great distrust of God, and of his power and goodness, in every distress and appearance of danger to despair of life, and to talk of nothing but being speedily killed.

Even when our hopes and desires go unfulfilled or our prayers appear unanswered, we can and should remain certain of God’s goodness and faithfulness because he promises to work all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

Related blog post: How remembering God’s past faithfulness helps us trust in His future provision.

4. Spot What is Gained

That Sunday afternoon, I lost the fulfilled vision of a carefree bike ride, but I gained another sliver of my daughter’s trust that.

The situation also helped me see that God is still working in me to produce the fruits of patience and gentleness. The fact that I tamped down the disappointment that threatened to seep out is not my own doing. I don’t tell the story to demonstrate my goodness of heart but to show how far God has carried me.

The gospel takes us as we are and where we are, but it beckons us into conformity with Christ. We’re not left to shape ourselves. In fact, trying to do the work of becoming more Christ-like is impossible without God.

When we change our perspective from what is lost in our unmet expectations to what is gained in the eternal rewards of developing spiritual fruit and submitting our lives to God’s lordship, we see the reality of Matthew 6:33 becoming manifest in our lives:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

Father God,

Help us to remember that when things don’t go our way and we’re surprised with disappointment or frustration you are still in control. Thank you for being a God who does not leave us but is working to redeem all things and bring our hearts into conformity with your will. Open our eyes and ready our hearts to participate in your kingdom work wherever and whenever the opportunity comes.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Can you think of a time when your expectations weren’t met? What did you learn about yourself or God as a result? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Seeing my life as a tool in the hands of an almighty God to carry out his purposes changes how I deal with unmet expectations. #expectations #disappointment #frustration Click To Tweet

*Featured image by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash